Snow-cialism

There is a silver lining to every snowstorm – getting to know your neighbors both good and bad. With forty inches on my block this week, I’ve learned a lot about my neighbors and, strangely enough, socialism.

My corner of Baltimore seems like a good place to ride out a storm. After all, innumerable cars are plastered with Obama bumper stickers, and windows display signs like “Universal Healthcare Now.” In essence, it’s a very liberal neighborhood in an extremely liberal state. What better neighborhood to be in times of need, right?

The architecture ranges from early 19^th to early 20^th century row homes, which as a result demands parallel parking. This isn’t a great inconvenience most of the time, but with the snow, it’s an absolute nightmare. First the clouds drop forty inches. Then the city snow plow piles another mountain from the street onto your car.

Successfully liberating the vehicle from its icy prison can take hours. After leaving the spot, anyone can take the laboriously freed space. Restoring regular parking conditions quickly requires everyone chipping in for the common good.

During this street clearing process, my neighbors sorted themselves into four groups:

1. The Saint (1% of the neighborhood) – Every couple of blocks resides a truly amazing human being living to serve others. He’s shoveling out his neighbors’ cars, dumping bags of rock salt down the whole street, and passing out shovels like he owns a hardware store.
2. The Good Citizen (15% of the neighborhood) – A caring person doesn’t just shovel enough snow to drive away. He carves out the front and back. After leaving his spot, someone else can parallel park without digging. If everyone did this, normal parking would resume in a day – if not less.
3. The Self-Interested Person (70% of the neighborhood) – This guy doesn’t really care about helping anyone. He carves just enough in the front to get out. The next person must dig before parking.
4. The Malicious Creep (14% of the neighborhood) – Instead of shoveling snow to the curb, the creep stacks snow onto his neighbor’s car. This saves the creep approximately fifteen minutes while adding an hour to his neighbor’s work.

While my neighbors love Obama and universal healthcare, they obviously aren’t such good socialists on their own block. This is no surprise; everyone on earth is an armchair Mother Theresa. We all have noble thoughts at the coffee shop or over beers. But when the snow shovel has to come out, so does the truth.

So let’s face it. Universal healthcare supporters are much like the folks on my street. There are a couple of saints, a few good people, and a large chunk who are either self-interested or just plain selfish. Most support it either because they will benefit directly, or they think the tax burden will not be placed on them.

Just look at this Gallup poll: only 34 percent believe that healthcare reform will personally increase their costs. Gallup also points out that most don’t think healthcare reform will benefit them personally – hence they are supposedly altruistic. But it’s not altruism when only 34 percent believe that they will do the shoveling.

You don’t think this is true? Just look at the Republican Party’s anti-universal healthcare campaign. The GOP hasn’t appealed to morality or fairness, but instead to selfish elements among universal healthcare supporters. The message is that the plan will cost more for everyone and your healthcare will get worse. So far the campaign has worked.

One can speak sweet nothings while pleasantly sitting around a warm fireplace. But in the end, a snowy day and a shovel will always reveal the selfish nature of a socialist underneath.

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