Government spending won't be cut until next year.
And we can't even drown our sorrows without being hit in the pocket as Darling ups booze prices.
The Sun's panel of experts have delivered scathing verdicts on the Chancellor's Budget.
Business Editor STEVE HAWKES said today's Budget is likely to be Darling's last after his limp performance in the Commons.
Steve said: " He lasted an hour but Alistair Darling sent people to sleep in a dismal Budget that dodged all the big issues.
"And we will all end up paying the consequences.
"Debts are expected to balloon to £1.3TRILLION by 2014 - a staggering sum equivalent to 74 per cent of our total economic output.
"That's like someone on £30,000 a year owing the bank £22,000.
"Yet the Chancellor wants to wait until NEXT YEAR before doing anything about cutting government spending.
"Instead there are more tax hits. Freezing inheritance tax for four more years will raise £2billion alone as more homes cross the £325,000 threshold.
"And pub goers, motorists and cigarette smokers face yet more price hikes.
"The Chancellor tinkered around the edges with some measures to boost small businesses.
"But the necessity to play politics meant substance gave way to gimmicks.
"It is likely to be the last time Alistair Darling steps up to the dispatch box. And what a limp end to his three-year tenure."
Our Consumer Editor JANE HAMILTON also slammed the Budget for hitting drinkers — especially cider fans.
She said: "Today's announcements have seen drinkers clobbered with a huge TEN PER CENT duty hike on cider, which starts midnight this Sunday.
"Darling's 5.1 per cent booze duty increase sees pints up by two pence, another ten pence slapped on a 75cl bottle of wine and 36 pence on a 70cl bottle of spirits.
"In a triple blow for Britain's pubs, since 2008 tax on wine has soared 25 per cent, spirits cost 20 per cent more and beer prices have increased by an eye-watering 26 per cent.
"With six pubs a day closing around the country, this is terrible new for drinkers and for communities losing their precious locals. Jobs will go as yet more pubs shut.
"Smokers were left spluttering by an immediate one per cent rise on a packet of cigarettes, pushing the price up by 33p since January. And there's another two per cent rise each year every year until 2010.
"The Chancellor boasted the fuel duty rise will be staggered - with penny increases in April, October and a final instalment in January - but it still means you're paying out more even at the pumps.
"The April rise alone will cost motorists an extra 50p every time they fill up. And with petrol set to hit a record £1.20 a litre within weeks, it's additional payouts drivers can ill afford.
"Coupled with new cash grabs which kick in April, like the £6 broadband tax, hard-pressed UK consumers will be digging even deeper into their almost-empty pockets. "
Motorists will also upset drivers with yet more fuel rises on the way.
Our Motoring Editor KEN GIBSON said: "The Chancellor's decision to phase in fuel duty rises may avoid total misery for drivers of a 3p a litre increase on April 1st but motorists are still being clobbered by the Government.
"The 1p increase on April 1st will still mean 50p a tank and £2.12 a month for a family with two cars. And by next January that will have risen to an extra £1.50 a tank and an extra £37.50 a year on the fuel bill for the average motorist.
"The fuel tax rise will eventually be worth an extra £100million plus to the Government, who already screw a staggering £45BILLION a year from motorists on taxes.
"And with experts predicting that the price of a gallon will hit a record 120p per litre within weeks, any relief for motorists will be short lived.
"Motorists remain the Government's favourite whipping boy, the average price of fuel has risen by 27 per cent in the last 12 months, that 's an extra £264 a year for the average driver.
"And the Government is already raking in millions from motorists with VAT on new cars going back to 17 per cent in January, and is set for a further windfall with a new Showroom Tax due on April 1st that will be a one off tax based on C02 emissions of new cars.
"That tax will mean buyers of new cars in the top polluting band of M (255 g/km of C02 and over) paying an extra £515 on top of the current £435 VEX tax for a total payment of £950.
"But even large family cars like a two litre petrol version of the Vauxhall Zafira people carrier will have to fork out an extra £325 as the annual charge goes up to £750.
"The reality is the new showroom tax will hit hard buyers on premium cars, cars like Bentley, Aston Martin, Jaguar and Land Rover that are made in this country, which will hit sales and could affect jobs.
"There was one bright spot for motorists. The Chancellor is to give authorities £100million to repair pot holes on local roads, but as the road's are in a disgrace so this will only scratch the surface.
"The reality is that the Chancellor and the Government are once again hitting the motorist in the pocket."
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